Thursday, May 11, 2006

If the current trends hold out until November then the Republicans will take a colossal beating in the midterm elections. I know a lot can change in 6 months but the Republicans have been sinking steadily over the last year or so. The GOP is weighted down by indictments and convictions and scandals that make the Nixon years look downright rosy.

Yes, I think at this point when November rolls around the Republicans will be the minority party in at least the House and maybe, though it’s not as certain, the Senate.

This however has little to do with the superiority or inferiority of either party. It just always seems after a while in power either party is like to crumble under the weight of its incompetence. I’ll grant you the Republicans right now look to be filthier than the Sopranos. That being said all parties seem to falter.

I really doubt no matter what is said by the pundits and polemics that the USA has a real political identity. As long as jobs are good, goods are cheap and the trains are running on time most Americans are placated. We’re a simple people. Now, I know there are diehards on both sides. I also know there’s an ungodly amount of one-issue voters out there as well. But I also a whole lot of people who do not vote a straight party line. I know I don’t. A lot of people vote for the lesser of two evils as well. It’s nice to see people aren’t cynical.

Over time neither party can seem to hold onto power. Whether it’s the economy going south or some scandal parties seem to lose favor. Maybe Americans are a moody lot that can’t hold a commitment. That would explain the divorce rate.

But as always I’m here to help. So I’ve devised an oath for the Senators and Representatives and even the President to take. I hate to see those crazy kids suffer and all. I hope it helps.

“ I [insert name here] do solemnly swear to uphold the Constitution of the United States of America. I will even uphold the Constitution of the United States of America when it does not suit my own political agenda. I also solemnly swear not to fuck up. By fucking up I mean to include, but not totally restricted to, the following: taking bribes, sucking up to lobbyists, favoring the interests of the wealthy over the interests of the majority of Americans, taking loud and saying nothing, using fear to control people and invoking the name of Jesus Christ every other syllable. I also solemnly swear to not have any manner of sexual contact be it oral, genital, anal, manual, cyber or phone with the following: interns, assistants, reporters, hookers, teenagers, bosses, superiors and anybody with the last name Hilton. Also the aforementioned sex partners will never be found dead anywhere under suspicious circumstances, especially in the trunk of my vehicle. I solemnly swear to hire a really bright five years old to run all my ideas past. If the ideas don’t make sense to him or her then I promise to revise them until they do. I solemnly swear to not to speak in platitudes or just read off of my party’s talking points. I solemnly swear to pause and reflect before all action and speaking. I solemnly swear to defy my party if I think it will help the nation. I solemnly swear to never try and be funny or dance if it doesn’t come naturally. I solemnly swear to keep my drug, alcohol and pharmaceutical intake to a minimum. I solemnly swear to always have transparency and to never hide information essential to the citizen’s well being. Above all I solemnly swear to be honest. So help me God.”


Blogger Publius said...

It’s possible the Republicans will lose seats but that’s not guaranteed, you are right. But, I think illegal immigration will be the deciding factor. The media will report on those who voted for amnesty and those who voted against and those who were tough on illegal immigrants and those who were not and in a mid-term election many single-issue voters do turn out. Remember, even though millions of illegal immigrants protested, as of yet they still can’t vote.

11:22 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

Remember this, not all of those that protested were illegals. So the Republicans could lose the Latino base they've tried so hard to establish.

Plus I can still see the wiretapping/phone records scandal and the war in Iraq being much larger issues.

10:45 AM  

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