Saturday, February 04, 2006

Some of you may have felt my commentary on the State of the Union Address was a bit harsh. I’ll grant you I did write in a bit of an irritated mood. Then again every time I listen to Bush speak I get irritated anymore. But ole George did say one thing that was rather amusing. During his appeal to outlaw cloning he brought up the issue of animal-human hybrids. Yes, I’m serious. When did this become an issue? Does George know something we don’t? Was some terrorist or despot out to make an army of mants to attack us? Did Laura read George an H.P. Lovecraft story before bed that week? Do you remember during the whole gay marriage stink when some yahoos were saying that gay marriage would lead to man and dog marriages? Maybe George just got that confused. Maybe he’s fallen off of his bike too much. I guess we’ll never know.

Speaking of man and animal confusion. I was watching TV the other day when a commercial for some pet supply place came on. Normally I don’t care one way or another about stores I don’t use (I have no pets). But this one grabbed me. It used the phrase “pet parents” when referring to pets owners. Am I the only one who finds this a bit on the mentally ill side?

Some people take their pets far too seriously. People buy sweaters and booties for their pets. There are pets in this country that eat better than a good many children. That’s wrong on so many levels. Now I understand why people like their pets so much. Hell, I cried when my dog Scooter died. But as much as liked Scooter he was just an animal. I moved on rather quickly. His death affected nowhere near as much as my father’s or any of the other loved ones I’ve lost. I think it’s best to remember something I learned in elementary school. You love people and people only. You like objects and things, like animals.

While I’m talking about annoying commercials, let me get this in. Tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday. Millions of people will gather around their televisions and watch the game and if MSNBC is correct about two out of five will be watching for the commercials. So about two out of five Americans now have their obedient consumer lobotomies. I personally will use the commercials as God intended, for bathroom breaks and channel surfing if the game sucks. I’ve never seen a commercial that was so good that I wanted to sit through a four-hour program just to see it. A commercial has never inspired me to buy a damn thing. I think in this case it’s good to remember what Bill Hicks has taught us. If manufacturers could make the commercials they wanted they would look like this. There would be a picture a beautiful woman’s face. The camera would back up and reveal that she was topless. The camera would move back farther and show that she was totally nude. Then above her would appear a sign that says “Drink Coke”.


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