Monday, September 12, 2005

Good evening,

I love Halloween. It’s my favorite holiday by a country mile or two. I mean when else is there tons of good candy floating around, lots of great horror movies on TV and if you scare the living crap out of someone you’re just in the holiday spirit. I even enjoy giving out candy to all the little munchkins. No friends, not Christmas or my birthday or Easter or Armistice Day charge me up quite like Halloween. The days are crisp and thankfully short, which pleases my inner astronomy nerd to no end. The crunch of red and yellow leaves is under your feet everywhere you walk. Halloween is the hap happiest time of the year. Speaking of that, why doesn’t Halloween have a song that’s not a crappy novelty rock and roll song? That’s just wrong.

Sadly gentle reader, as much as I love my precious Halloween, Madison Avenue is trying to kill it. Remember when the build up for any holiday was a month tops? Remember when every holiday that might potentially turn a nickel’s worth of profit wasn’t milked for all it’s worth? I really don’t need to see Halloween candy in the store before Labor Day. See I want to savor the day. I don’t need to have 6 weeks of prep time. Plus if you store the candy that long it tastes like crap by the time you give it out. Then what you got are a bunch of let down neighbor kids who are going to toilet paper your house because you gave out old crappy candy. No one wants that.

The late, great comedian Bill Hicks once advised all people in the marketing field to kill themselves. There’s a small voice in me that thinks he was being too polite. Everything we do does not have to revolve around profit. Just because people spend money on a holiday doesn’t mean some greedy little man needs to figure a way to make more and more money. I mean right after Halloween is done up goes the Christmas decorations. Thanksgiving is now just downtime to eat during all your blind shopping fits apparently. Soon the buildup to Christmas will last longer than Mary’s pregnancy.

Oh and let me get one shot in on the sad state of our existence. No child should ever have to go trick or treating in the daylight. It’s just wrong. Stop being such big wimps and let the kids have some fun. Also, feel free to stop x-raying their candy as well. Gee kids your candy's save from razor blades but now its irradiated. I hope you enjoy your glow in the dark Snickers bar! Bon appetit!


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